Wildlife specimen

Pretzel Finch (Crispius sodiumitus)

This elusive finch evolved around Pennsylvania pretzel factories over millions of years, to elude predators by hiding amongst savory snack foods.

"The salty odour of this creature," wrote Charles Darwin in his seminal evolutionary text, On the Origin of Pretzels, "gives one the impression that its flesh should be smoked, not fried, and served with autumn squash."

Hypothochallenge

In case you didn't have a chance to write it down last week, here is the HYPOTHOCHALLENGE question we will be answering tonight. Any comments will be read on the air and correct answers will be eligible for this week's grand prize.

Q: If two nanoparticles traveling six soundyears per second encountered a bioteliological fission stream in deep space nine, would the particles

a) implode into megadense neutron capacitors, harvestable for sustainable energy?

or

b) deplode into the neuroexistential multiverse to a soundtrack of Elliott Smith?

Tune in TONIGHT to find out this answer AND MORE. Our topic of discussion tonight: The Science of CANDY.

Wildlife specimen

Beware its jaws, and its rootsplant smell.

NEW EPISODE UP ON THE PODCAST

Hello, fellow web-log aficionados!

This is just a quick little note to let you know that DJ Disingenuous and I have completed the micromolecular bioplastmic process of uploading the podcast version of last night's show. Check it out at scientificbanter.mypodcast.com!

Happy Thursday, everyone!

MC Hall

New scientific process: BINARY TERTIATION

A team of scientists published in the Oxford Review this month the discovery of a new quantam process, binary tertiation. I hope you all understand the implications of this. Here are some excerpts from the original article:

"...binary tertiation, the process by which binary things are made ternary, thus once having two parts and subsequently having a third part...

"...in the subatomic process of making a binary ionized particle, with two incomplete figtosis substrata, into a tertiary re-ionized particle, in which where the corresponding part in the binary ionized particle would have two incomplete figtosis substrata there will now be three complete stratification quandaries...

"...furthermore, the tertiarization of binary particles, coupled with the binarization of singularly stratified nuclei, shall result in a new particle with three parts corresponding to what had hitherto contained only two parts...

"...therefore all strata once containing two substrata shall contain a third stratum codominant with the aforementioned two strata...

"...which by particle diffusion should redescribe the number of strata within the particle from two to three, possibly even four...

"...but probably not four, since tertiation shall multiply the number of dual-strata microbial plankton by one time and a half, equaling a total of three strata, up from the original number of two...

"...by which binaries shall be redefined as ternaries, having henceforth three parts corresponding to a binary's mere two parts...

"...a multitudinous approach to tertiation involving tertiating tertiaries into quaternaries, then halving the quaternaries and tertiating the dual binaries, thus resulting in an explosion 600 times the megawattage of Hiroshima..."

"...hypothetically impossible..."

Wildlife specimen

THE LIMA POOP RAT (Quadridigitus earificus)

The Lima Poop Rat is the most dominant species of Poop Rat in the province of Lima, which is in Mexico or South America.



Its tail is more prehensile than most tails. In fact, its tail is the prehensilest tail in the word.

Miraculous New Cure for Missing Scientific Banter on Wednesday Nights

Hi all! Just ran across this article in The New York Times. It's exciting to see such complicated scientific issues being addressed in such a quotidian publication and heralded by America's famous youth!

When most people miss their favorite radio show, they spit, curse, act passive aggressively towards coworkers, and sink into mild ruts of depression. But thanks to an exciting new discovery by scientists, the everyday layperson can cure complications caused by aural absence during live broadcasted radio shows.

The discovery, announced in last month's edition of the peer-reviewed Biochemical Pathways, Cybernetwarbial Electropulses, allows listeners to access hour-long sound recordings via internet hub devices. NASA scientist Lorn Caligophilus, who headed the team of innovators who developed this new technology, claims that the web presence of radiowave transmitted episodic periodicals will change the way Americans despair about missing radio programs.

"This is a significant advance in the field, not only because it alters the disseminative properties of radio shows, but because of its ability to prevent despair and self-loathing for those who are not able to listen to radio shows as they are being broadcasted live," Dr. Caligophilus commented Wednesday.

While there has been conflict among the development team about the nomenclature of the new product, former vice president, esteemed popular media figure, and NASA scientist team member Al Gore expressed confidence about this new technology's potential.

"It's gonna be called podcasting, it's gonna be ill, and it's coming to an internet near you," said Mr. Gore.

As part of the beta-testing phase, the scientific community has unanimously selected Scientific Banter, the most relevant radio show about science that exists, to lead America into the new age of "podcasting" radiophonic technology.

Show cohosts DJ Disingenuous and MC Hall could not be reached for comment, but starlet Taylor Swift expressed excitement about the development via her Twitter account.

"wtf kanye. also scientificbanter.mypodcast.com bitches!!!!!!!" tweeted Swift.

Have a great Thursday, everyone!

MC Hall

Wildlife specimen

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A Review of Cheeses

During last night's episode of Scientific Banter we had a prodigious number of callers requesting information on Cheese Discernment, a subset of Organic Chemistry.

Herein we shall clarify some of multitude of cheeses you may encounter in the wild. All of the images are sketches are based on cheese that I have encountered in the field. Pictured at left is cheese derived from a bavarian culture.

Sometimes cheese comes wrapped in plastic. This does not affect the phenotype, however it brings up various metaphysical complications.









Cheese presented in the form of a cube (scientific name Kraftonimium septagraginous) adds dignity to social gatherings. Shown here in the wild, this cheese adorns itself with narrow wooden piercings.








Orange cheeses can take on a gelatinous consistency to fool predators. This process is called "nucleonachification".






The same cheese in its nucleonacho state, as viewed from above.



Black spots indicate pockets of yumminess.







Queso is Mexican for cheese.








A coming-of-age ritual in cheese communities, adolescents come face to face with the local deity known as "Grater".